I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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