That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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