Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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