He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
