I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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