Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
