That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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