Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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