all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
