i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize