I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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