He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
