Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
