So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize