It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I licked your asshole in confidence.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
