I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
