Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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