Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize