I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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