Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
