I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
