Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
