is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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