WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
