New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
