I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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