Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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