Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
