its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
