I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
