I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
