Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
