everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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