Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
