thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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