He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
