my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
