____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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