just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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