dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize