I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
