I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
