so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
