The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
