when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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