she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
