You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
