THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
