if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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