Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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