I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
