So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
