Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
