I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
