yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize