I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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