At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
