I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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