You can't special order awesome
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
