and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
