my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he was CRYING into my vagina
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
