OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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