I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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