everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
