The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
