I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
