I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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