That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
