sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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