Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize