you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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