I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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