i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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