We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
