She's JV to your varsity
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
