Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
