Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
