we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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