I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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