Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
