**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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