Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize