girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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