he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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