We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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