you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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