dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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