Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
