Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
