WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
