If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
