It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
