just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
