We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
