Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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