Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
