I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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