its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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