Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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