kristin has been a bad kristin
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
