I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize