Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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