she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
