I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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