I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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