I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
