my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
