Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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