It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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