Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
