I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
