im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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