my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize