Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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