I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
