Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
