I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
