This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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