he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
