he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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