I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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