I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
