This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
