How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize