woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
