yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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