I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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