if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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