I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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