I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
